Chronic Depression, Tremendous Sense of Shame
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– Anonymous
The day I was scheduled to defend my dissertation I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 39 (1995). The dissertation was a study on quality of work life factors (compensation, job design, work environment and participation) related to public personal policies and practice.
Unfortunately, I have not had a professional level job since then and have had another diagnosis since then. And, most of the public sector professionals I have interfaced with related to employment have been real rude or insincere.
I had left my primary work location to manage elder care issues and returned to where my parents lived to assist them. The consequence of this is that I have had to stay poor in order to keep my Medicaid eligibility. Unfortunately, for someone who devoted her professional life to making opportunities for others to have some employment satisfaction, fair compensation and the betterment of governmental services and operations, this has resulted in chronic depression and a tremendous sense of shame.
Shame not only for being diagnosed with cancer twice but because I was never able to go back to the work I loved and had invested a lot into; the latter being the most problematic. I have also had to deal with the burden of a federal school loan that is not forgivable and now has doubled because of service fees and interest. This was the most stressful component in dealing with my depression induced by this long-term unemployment and underemployment.
The underemployment was more socially problematic to me than the unemployment. When I was trying to get by and took temp jobs, I experienced everything from toxic fumes to someone itching their groin while I was talking to him. Sure these are questionable legal issues but there are no low income legal services for American-born Americans these day either so this adds to the depression and feelings of shame.
I have other examples of legal issues that I got into and not resolved because of lack of access to legal resources because I am poor. Thank you for the opportunity to share these few facts and feelings.
July 17th, 2007 at 11:10 am
I am a IT professional who was removed from a job I held for 12 years due to “underemployment”. My employer asked me to “sever my relationship with the company”. I do not understand how I could work 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week, plus take phone calls at home after normal work hours, and perform on-call after hours duty and additional 5 days out the month and be “underemployed”.
I suspect my employer wanted to hire someone in my position at a lower salary. I has worked contractually for the past two years. However, all of my earnings are going to pay for healthcare costs because I do not have health insurance and became ill between assignments.
I am also very angry because my employer replaced me with someone who had a high school diploma, while hiring me because I had a Master’s Degree plus 10 ten years’ of experience.
I know life is not fair, but I do feel sorry for the current generation of college graduates who are going into debt to get an education, only to face a job market that is not creating enough jobs to do justice to the “education” that is being sought by so many people.
I continue to pray……………..